I am a woman of many thoughts. I have several blogs but this will cover a little bit of everything. Please be open minded when you enter my domain and be sure to input your thoughts and ideas, even if you don't agree. If we all agreed on everything, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I remember

I remember the anxiety that gripped my stomach as I yelled "Te Amo!"
To my love at the other end of the hallway...

His response, that night on the phone -"Te Amo Tambien"
caused the numbness to leave my limbs.

I remember how he kissed me in front of my apartment
with the door cracked open and my parents listening
how my eyes were pools of ebony that afternoon
I remember the lecture I got.

I remember how my shoulder fit in the crook of his armpit
how I got a perfect nights rest with my head cradled on his chest
How I loved how he listened to me...
Watching him while he watched food network and thinking:
we could grow together... we should grow together...
I loved him instantly.

I remember how his arms found me in the cold
Warming me with his energy
He could comfort me without a word
Because through all of what the world threw at me
I knew I could depend on his love.
and that was the constant I needed to keep going

I remember driving off 65 No
onto University
Screaming as the wind whipped the moisture from my face
As I listened to Dru Hill's "We're not making love"
As I remembered the words slip off his lips
into my ear like poison "I can't do this anymore..."

I remember how my heart dropped when his brother told me...
"everything he told you is a lie"
I remember how... bit by bit I felt like dying
as bit by bit.. I found out it was true.

I remember how I felt when I read those words
Words that should have been mine
Words that were hers.
I remember how I felt when I heard those words
written for me
Spoken for her.
I can remember wishing I couldn't remember
why I loved him.
I remember where my tears soaked the carpet
It offered no solace.

Last night
he held me
I felt like I belonged there

he kissed my forehead, my cheek

I felt myself falling
I felt myself wanting
wanting to fall.. wanting to love
wanting to be loved
wanting to trust

so I pushed him away
and I'll continue pushing
until I have room enough to pull.

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